Late last night looking out at the black of the night sky, I thought, ‘what goes around, comes around’. How true is that?
I’m not someone who goes out of my way to hurt someone’s feeling, perhaps I may react and say something in retaliation, with an instant regret, but even that is probably focussing on my relationships with my parents and husband. They are the two lots of people who know me well enough to allow me to vent when I need to, even if it’s directed at them. In turn I have been that soundboard for them… forgiveness is there before I even begin. I know no judgements will be passed, and no resentment formed. It’s my safe space. They are my safe space.
So if out of misunderstanding if I have hurt someone, or the something I have done has translated incorrectly, it makes me sad, and unreservedly nervous that I can feel the anxiousness rising from the pit of my stomach. I can sense a tremor, and my hands start shaking, my body temperature rises dramatically that I need to go for a walk, to calm myself down. It’s a feeling I truly hate, and would do anything to avoid.
I know in recent times, especially the last 2 years, I have been even harder on my soundboards, and potentially even hurt other people through my lack of patience. Probably due to the fact it is wearing pretty thin in some aspects of my life, however that if no excuse. I walk away from situations, and feel so angry at myself that I’m not able to control how I’ve reacted, it drives me mad.
All I wanted this post to say was sorry, to those I have hurt, through my words or my actions. This hurt has been caused through misunderstanding, with no intent or malice behind it. Nothing but love.