I am invisible, do I seem that not bothered, that it looks like I don’t care?
It stings a little when people that aren’t even present get a mention and my being there feels insignificant. I know there are times I like to blend into the crowd, but how have i managed that in a small group? Funnily enough, blending in and feeling apart from everyone at the same time, I feel like the poor cousin sometimes. That’s when the security of my insecurities start to kick in.
I’m not ignored when I speak, but then I get the feeling I’m sometimes just an inconvenience. Feeling disconnected.
I feel nervous sometimes, like I have missed out on some much time, where other’s have carried on, grown closer. I’m about 10 steps from the start line, walking, whilst the rest of the crowd have passed the finish line and on their second or third lap! Is it so bad to want people to want to spend time with you because they like you as an individual, rather than just because you maybe useful to them?
I’ve always been comfortable in my own company, but now I have slowly been made to need the presence and acknowledgment of others. Rather than being just comfortable in my own company I need to learn to be comfortable in my own skin. To use the nervous energy I feel, and turn it into something positive. Learn to love myself, and gain the confidence back that I used to have.