Selfish success

Some would say I’m selfish, some would understand. To be a mother with a need to work, ‘well why doesn’t she just work part time, somewhere close to home? She can look after her kids that way’ I can imagine people thoughts. ‘Why go to work and waste your money on childcare? Why have them, if you don’t want to spend time looking after them?’

My response back, ‘why is it usually only seen as the mother’s responsibility to be the carer? Why is frowned upon if a mother wants to progress her career, so that she can be an example to both her son and daughter? Why is the expectation and the assumption that mothers only want to sit at home and look after their children?’

The desire to succeed is in us all, whether it be financially, emotionally, behaviourally, or in any other way. My desire is a combination, but driven a lot by being financially successful.

I like nice things for me and my family, and I won’t deny it. This was partly one of me reasons of going back to work as soon as I did. I didn’t even suggest part time, I just managed my holidays that I had accrued during maternity leave to ease myself back into work life, and wasn’t it just great to see my bank balance increase on payday?

Lets be honest, I think there’s probably only a handful of us that would go to work without a pay packet at the end of it. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve completed many hours of overtime (pre-babbies), despite knowing I won’t get paid for it. But that’s just being conscientious, trying to get the job done, and maybe realising I need to learn to manage my time a little better.

Since being back, I have realised that not much has actually changed, and I am bored. Like I mentioned in my previous post, the job itself is not all that great, sometimes it can feel almost robotic. I am actively giving myself other tasks to manage, to make my role more interesting….is it working, you ask?… For the short term yes, but then we’re back to being bored again.

The next step I have taken is trying to understand where my next move, either within my current workplace, or externally, may be. I have also approached someone to be my mentor and to help me navigate this crossroads I’m at.

I am anticipating, with a new role would be an increase in salary, and as much as I would prefer to stay working for my current employer, I know jumping ship would increase that even more.
Although I mentioned above that I like nice things, the financial gain isn’t just about living a certain lifestyle, nor is it about funding my next handbag purchase. It’s actually about progression, feeling and being successful, being rewarded for your worth, being recognised! It is also about having it all, smashing that stereotype that women can’t… That they have to inevitably choose between their family or their career. I have felt the heavy load, from society, my family, and even myself. Fortunately I have a supporting husband, who actually encouraged me to go back to work, and although we’ve had the discussion of me being a full time mummy, by the end of it, him knowing me too well, we’ve reached the conclusion that I need to work, it’s just who I am.

As we know having children is very costly, and therefore with the kiddies needing childcare, as well as all their other needs, an increase in my salary would be hugely helpful in that sense too. Allowing me the opportunity to save, rather than giving away pretty much my entire pay.

I’ve always had the desire for success, from the start of my working life. Having not been much to talk about academically, I found that having the chance to practically show what I can do, rather than reciting a textbook, I was good at it…. I felt liberated. Agreed I’m not currently at a position I would have wanted to be 15 years ago, but not for lack of trying, and moreover for my need to be liked, and not wanting to leave others in the lurch.

So I start today, more determined, more disciplined and a little more selfish. Let’s see where that gets me.


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