This is me… Understood!
Things have changed a lot for me, more noticeably over the past 2-3 years. Some may say it’s because I’ve matured and the experiences life has given me, whether I wanted them or not. Others may say, it’s easier to keep a bolt on it from time to time, to keep the peace, whilst I say, I don’t even remember this change, I’m still trying to understand it.
Obviously, I’m not stupid enough to think nothing would ever change, but sometimes I don’t even recognise myself. There was once a time I would give back as good as I got, pretty quick witted, even if I do say so myself. Haha. A lot more things would be taken in jest. Now I actually have to say it in my head before I begin to speak, or not react, just step back and approach it another time, just hoping that I don’t offend or upset. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with my nearest and dearest.
Maybe it’s an expectation from others and I’ve just fallen into line? Or are people not understanding who I am as an individual?
I’m making it sound like I’m restricted in what I’m allowed to say and to whom, mans that isn’t the case, well maybe it is, but the restriction is coming from no-one but me! I’ve made me like this! It’s like I’ve put up a permanent guard and applied a sealed filter.
I love being a wife, mother, daughter, daughter in law, etc but there’s just a small part of me that misses that 21 year old’s personality, and her mischeuvious feistiness. And all I want to shout is ‘this is me, no guard, unfiltered and I’ll say it like it is…. Understood!’