The constant battle

Isn’t it such a shame when an idea, remains an idea? Right before it gets to leap off and become something, it just fizzles out.

We could wonder how many brilliant, maybe even a crazy, ideas or opinions have died a quick and painless death… What could have been their life line? What could have been the aide to their transformation from idea to actual reality?

Confidence? Stability? Belief? For me it’s a combination of them all, but most of all I feel it’s about gaining approval.  This is not the case of every human being, otherwise we’d never have Apple, nor would we have the Internet! But, for some and I hate to admit it, myself included, just need some form of approval, making me feel just that much more confident, having backing, to make changes, having opinions heard, and respected.

In the workplace I am still myself, but I don’t crave the approval so much, I understand my job, and what is expected of me, simple! It’s in my personal environment that I have found I try to seek it out more. Especially more in the last couple of years, I have noticed myself transforming, looking over at people as I speak, putting feelers out, as to not offend, even unintentionally. I most definitely do not speak my mind as much, and have learnt that silence doesn’t make me weak, but actually shows my inner strength. My mind has matured, along with the lines on my forehead.

I look for approval, and disapproval in other people’s behaviour too… It’s really interesting to see how people can apply a filter, just like flicking on a light switch, for some it comes and goes, for others it doesn’t even exists, haha, I’m sure we all know at least one person like that. I have a secret envy for them, of just not worrying about it. Maybe that’s part of the cycle I went through, saying this I never thought I’d being needing approval as a mother at the age of 33.

I guess we all look for approval in some way or another, throughout our lives, it may not be obvious, but we all have a desire to please.

xx

 

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